Back from school trips and business trips

School trips got more exciting in the past few years. They also got a tad more expensive. Gone are the days when a day out to the nearest coast (in our case Whitby) on a charabanc of a bus with sandwich packed lunch, bag of salt and vinegar crisps, quick paddle in the North sea, quick trek round the shops to bring home mum and dad a stick of rock would do.

There might have been some kind of geography lesson involved but that was it really. You all sang "ten green bottles" in the bus on the way home, and some of you felt a bit sick as you had drank too much Tizer. It was fun though.

Nowadays school trip for number one daughter was two and a half weeks staying in hotels in the old palaces of Rajasthan. So if parents had forked out for this, she knew that a stick of rock would not suffice in the "thankyou for letting me go, you soft touch parents" present giving stakes. She came up trumps. There was a bag full of goodies on her return.


From the beautiful silks and materials she brought home

To a demonstration on how to put on a sari.







To goodies for the kitchen and house

To a newspaper of the day. She knows that not only am I a news junkie, but I do like to look at the other sections of other newspapers, to see the adverts and quirky stuff. I kinda' like this one.

"Maintain a resilient smile with the power of Hanuman on your mobile"

Oh and husband number one also knows that he has to bring back newspapers from business trips. This is from the Georgetown Current,in Washington D.C.

It's for a retirement home. It says "Come join us, Good Friends, People who care, Distinctive retirement living, Private suites, Fine Dining, Social and Cultural Services, Chauffeured Sedan.

"Chauffered Sedan" ! what the ........?

On the back of those Indian spices it says: "How to make Daal -Cook 5 minutes until the fresh spices should be cooked in mean time. Then add some water as you guece (think) Cover it and cook until it gives the whistle of the kuker. add 10-15 garlics (cutted in small pieces) .. sever to eat having a real Indian taste If you success then send me thankyou to mmspices@yahoo...."

If I success then I think I will...

Just a thought.....

Does anyone else type their blog sat in pyjamas with two shower caps on head and sporting a bright turquoise face mask?

Didn't think so.

Cultural stereotyping

What they say


"The beauty of living in other countries is that it gives a real understanding of other people's cultures.... which in turn prevents cultural stereotyping.....



Forget that



Enjoy. It's quite an old joke that's done the rounds for years but this is an updated version.



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.


COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.


The State takes both and gives you some milk.


FASCISM

You have 2 cows.


The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM

You have 2 cows.


The State takes both and shoots you.



BUREAUCRATISM


You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.



TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM


You have two cows.


You sell one and buy a bull.


Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.


You sell them and retire on the income.


SURREALISM


You have two giraffes.


The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.



AN AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.


You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.



ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM



You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.


A FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.


You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.



A JAPANESE CORPORATION


You have two cows.


You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.



You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.



A GERMAN CORPORATION



You have two cows.


You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.



AN ITALIAN CORPORATION



You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.


A RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.


You count them and learn you have five cows.


You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.


You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.



You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.



A SWISS CORPORATION



You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.


You charge the owners for storing them.


A CHINESE CORPORATION



You have two cows.



You have 300 people milking them.



You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION



You have two cows.



You worship them.



A BRITISH CORPORATION



You have two cows.



Both are mad.



AN IRAQI CORPORATION



Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.



You tell them that you have none.


No one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.



You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.



AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION



You have two cows.


Business seems pretty good.


You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



A WELSH CORPORATION



You have two cows. You sell them and buy seven sheep.


The one in the middle looks rather attractive.



Don't know who the original author of this is to credit them, sorry.

Mother was right

When she said "don't slouch".

Went to the Monday movie in English in Nyon last night to see "Frost/Nixon".

Brilliant andwe got the comfy low extra leg room seats so I slouched during the entire film.

I'm now paying the price. Sat at laptop with backache and stinking of Perskindol Classic Gel ("pour les troubles musculaires")

Troubles indeed.

The gel sounds great in German "muskelbeschwerden gelenkschmerzen". Try to say that with a full mouth.